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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Accepting the Unperfected Life

As I sit down to type this, my child has just decided to wake up - one moment please...

....that moment just turned into 6 days. That my friends is the essence of this post. You can quit reading if you like and you'll still know exactly what is going on in my world these days.

For those of you soldiering on -

Being a stay-at-home mom has led me down all sorts of interesting introspective paths over the past 6 months. Granted, I've "stayed-at-home" since Elijah was born, but prior to February I also had a job that brought in income and I prided myself on the fact that I was doing it all. Look at me! I have a JOB. A real job. The kind that people worldwide would recognize as a JOB. AND...I have a BABY. I have it all together people.

Never mind the fact that I dreaded starting each day...I was figuring out raising a child, keeping up our home and bringing in a paycheck. Ta Da!! Where was my medal?

But as you know, since February...I've ceased doing it all. B Daddy and I accepted the fact that doing it all meant not doing it all very well, or at the very least not enjoying many (most) of the things I was doing and so I quit the JOB.

P.S. I think it was pretty classy of my former employer to ask on my way out, "Are you pregnant again or something?" Ha! I laughed. No way! That would be CRAZY. INSANE. RIDICULOUS.

Quitting meant I was free to enjoy the Squirt wholeheartedly. To throw myself into the life of a stay-at-home mommy. Hitting up the library and the park, making homemade dinners each night for B Daddy to come home to and self-actualizing through blogging, crafting, reading and the like.

Fast Forward to August 2010 - the Squirt and I have been to the library exactly twice since he was born. I try my best not to step outside between the hours of 8am and 8pm ever since June arrived and brought with it this disgusting onslaught of unrelenting humidity. Homemade dinners are a semi-regular occurrence, but they rarely, if ever, hit the table before the child is in bed. I don't craft. I blog only when I can steal this morning hour away from the Squirt. I still manage to read voraciously and can be found neglecting reading to my child if there is a good novel within arm's reach.

So all of that to say - staying at home is not all it's cracked up to be. It's WAY different. Different good and, well...just different. I am occasionally terrified of what is heading my way in December when #2 arrives. After all, I like to think I'm in control of my life most days - regardless of what life experience and my faith tradition have taught me to the contrary.

But I'm not in control. And I have to remind myself that I wasn't at my "real" job either and I'm convinced that doing this stay at home thing well will reap far greater benefits in both my children's lives and mine than would the 9-5 gig I was busy with before.

So I'm working on accepting the unperfected life. I have a sneaking suspicion life might just be more interesting this way...



 
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