That Time I Met Pioneer Woman and Completely Humiliated Myself

Last Monday's To Do List:

Buy PW's cookbook online and get a smokin' deal - check

Brave rush hour traffic to get to Borders by 9am and get a wristband - check

Pick up several jars of cookies from the office, agonize over which to give PW - check

Dress child in adorable outfit, suitable for meeting the P Dub herself - check

Dress myself in casually cool outfit that will photograph well - check

Brave rush hour traffic again to get to Borders by 6pm - check

Wait in line that is mercifully short thanks to said wristbands - check

Introduce myself to PW, chat gracefully and intelligently about my enjoyment of her blog, create the impression that she does in fact want to be my friend... check? Can I get a check please? Hello? Anyone? Is this thing on?????

Um, no check. Don't pass go and certainly do not collect $200.

Instead it went a little something like this:

A sweaty and disheveled me, child in one arm, 3 cookbooks, purse, diaper bag and half-gallon jar of cookies in the other, approaches the table Pioneer Woman is sitting behind.

Suddenly completely unnerved, I shove the large glass jar across the table with one hand as I approach and declare, "I brought you cookies!"

Not, "Hi, my name is Katie, it's so nice to meet you."

Not, "I really enjoy reading your blog...when does Black Heels to Tractor Wheels come out!?"

Not, "I made your Beef Stew with Mushrooms last week and my husband just loved it."

No no - I come out like a 6 year old and proudly exclaim to Ree and the rest of Borders that I brought cookies.

This is not going at all like I planned.

In spite of the abrupt greeting and unsolicited cookies the lovely and composed Pioneer Woman replies, "Oh, thank you...did you make them yourself?" (Asked in the manner you would ask a 6 year old - clearly the conversational category I belonged to.)

Coming quickly to the realization that this is not in fact a cool way to start a conversation with a total stranger, my mind goes blank.

I mumble something along the lines of, "no, no, my company makes them," to which she asks, "oh and do you sell them locally?"

Instead of answering, "Yes, we actually sell them to boutiques all over - there are several stores in Oklahoma that carry them," (or something resembling a concise and coherent answer) I launch into an explanation of the fact that we are now in national retailers as well as boutiques and that we've really started expanding as of late....

Meanwhile my face is getting hotter and my inner sane and composed-self is screaming, "Shut up! Stop talking! Say something normal! Hand her your baby!"

Things are going downhill abnormally quickly.

Fortunately at this point in time my mother waves my camera wildly at us and the Pioneer Woman graciously cuts me off saying, "did you want a picture?"

By way of reply I begin giggling nervously and turn full-on to the camera to give my best Facebook-worthy smile. I didn't even say good-bye, I just stood up and ran away once Mom snapped the picture...completely mortified by my lack of cool.

I did walk away with one of her gorgeous t-shirts - just for showing up! - and an autographed cookbook that I have already dog-eared and told half a dozen people they MUST buy.

So my dreams of a ranch-invite and a personal tutorial on Photoshop are probably shot. Unless she really likes those cookies...

Here are some pics of the event - it was a packed house.

Babies and kiddos were everywhere.

Ours were clearly the cutest... : )

People bought LOTS of copies. It's wonderful...go get one here.

Ooh ooh, there she is!!!

So sweet! She managed to keep that smile on her face the entire time I babbled away.

I think we were both glad when it was picture time.

My adorable mother

And sister

The moral of the story?

Don't bring people you don't know gifts you didn't make. It starts things off on the wrong foot....well, at least for me.