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Monday, August 17, 2015

The 5 Most Annoying Things People Say to Moms at the Grocery Store

Last Friday I went to Publix (where shopping is usually a pleasure) with my 4 kids in tow as per the norm these days. I innocently walked up to the seafood counter to request a center-cut salmon fillet and was treated to an exceptionally awkward interrogation from Mr. Seafood.

It doesn't even take a huge family to elicit stares and unwanted commentary at the grocery store these days. Twins will do it. Babies less than 2 years apart will do it. Three kids or more? Well you'd best be prepared to be stopped at least half a dozen times on any occasion you leave the house.

Here's a round up of my personal favorites - along with accompanying responses you can tuck into your back pocket. Determine the type of day you're having and choose a sweet or spicy response accordingly.

1. Well! You sure have your hands full, don't you!

Sweet: You should see my heart!
Spicy: Would you like to take one, or two?

2. I don't how you do it! 

Sweet: Oh with lots of prayer...
Spicy: You know, making small talk with strangers really seems to help...

3. Did you plan to have them all so close together/so far apart?

Sweet: (blush at un-solicited reference to your sex life) Oh no, just a happy accident.  
Spicy: Yup. It's been a life-long dream of mine to change diapers continuously for a decade/ Oh yes! Once one was in Kindergarten we realized how much we missed changing diapers.

4. Are they all yours?

Sweet: Every blessed one.
Spicy: Oh no! I just rented a few to run errands with.

5. You do know how that happens, don't you?

Sweet: (demure giggle)
Spicy: We do! We're surprised there aren't more of them...

For any of you who don't go to the grocery store with multiple children hanging off your cart, if you see a mom with kids at the grocery store and you cannot help but speak to her, here are two phrases that are universally well-received:

"What a lovely family you have." or  "You're doing a great job."

What do you think moms? Did I miss any of your personal favorites?

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