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Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Hard is Okay Sometimes

"...for we know suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope..." 

Being a Mom is hard.

I'm seven years into this gig, currently homeschooling four little kids age seven and under and quite often not talking to another adult until the afternoon (on a good day) or the evening when my husband gets home. I also happen to be an extreme extrovert and most days it feels hard.

The primary mode of communication around here is very transactional:

You want a banana? I'm sorry, when you asked for an apple, I assumed you wanted an APPLE. 

Please stop running your bike into the garage door.

No, sorry I don't want to read any more books right now.

No, you cannot eat your sandwich in the bathroom.

Your brother hit you? Work it out.

What do you mean you want grapes? You just asked for a banana!

There's about a 30 minute window each day, usually right around lunch time, when my brain, which supposedly thrives on multitasking and being with people, maxes out and starts to misfire.

When quiet time arrives (less quiet these days than it used to be, but at least the toddler is napping and the others know they need to self-entertain) my brain-dead brain just wants to space out. But it also craves adult interaction and friendship and community. So instead of picking up a novel or taking a nap, I'll find myself hidden in a corner (or as of this week, in the pantry...eating their Halloween candy...) scrolling.

And scrolling.

And scrolling.

And it scratches the itch. I see smiling faces of friends I know and love. I read the inspiring caption of a blogger I admire, appreciate the beauty of another adult's creative pursuits, read their words, encourage them with a quick comment.

But it's a 2D substitute for the flesh and spirit I'm really craving.

The other day I asked my sister  (somewhat ironically, but mostly completely seriously) "how do I make friends?" She deadpanned back, "I think you have to leave your house."

Hmm. Leaving my house is a complicated proposition at best, made less-appealing by the fact that I'm supposed to spend my day educating these children rather than in search of friendship.


I grew up in the 80s and 90s, the era when self-esteem was all the rage. Those decades when coaches started giving us all a trophy for showing up and teachers stopped using red pen to correct essays lest we felt our work wasn't as good as everyone else's.

Somewhere in my formative years I internalized the message that things ought to come easily to me. And if something didn't, I ought to put it down and go find something that did come easily. In high school and college this was easy enough. I dropped classes, dropped relationships, dropped sports, dropped after-school clubs. As adults we operate in a society where it's easy to quit a job, end a pregnancy or leave a marriage that is difficult. I have to fight my innate desire to drop things that aren't easy.

I'm lonely these days. And lonely feels embarrassing and a little pathetic. As someone who is 99% extroverted, lonely is basically my worst nightmare. Lonely is hard.

Friends are difficult to make and friendship is difficult to maintain in this season. It feels really hard some days. But as I teach my kids each day, I'm discovering along the way that maybe hard is okay.

Hard doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

Hard doesn't mean you need to quit.

Hard doesn't mean you made a bad decision, you're a failure or that you need to seek an out.

Every now and then hard is an indication that you are being pig-headed about whatever it is or truly doing something wrong, but sometimes life is hard. Seasons are difficult. And there are untold lessons to be learned in the persevering.

Homeschooling could be difficult because it's not the right season or the right thing at all for our family. Next year I may have three kids in the public school across the street. And I pray for wisdom and the discernment to make that change if we need to.

But then again, it could be that this feels hard because it is hard. And maybe, just maybe, hard is okay sometimes.


  1. I completely agree. Most days I feel so weak and spent because I never realized just how hard it is to be a full time employee, wife, and most of all, Mother.

  2. Oh wow. Do I ever relate to this!! Drop it if it's not easy is basically my middle name. 😳 I love that you wrote this! Here's to embracing the hard. Also, I don't know if you know this yet, but we are pretty much bffs. 😘

    1. haha - we are definitely BFFs in virtual life. Let's make a meet-up happen soon huh??

  3. This really resonated with me. I struggle with many of the same things, but I only have 2 kids with one in the oven. My parents swung the pendulum when they raised me. They worked like beasts during their childhoods, so they determined I would have an easy and enjoyable childhood. It was great. Unfortunately, I became a very self-centered person. I have to fight it every single day. Most days I fail. Last week in BSF we studied John 6:16-21. The parallel passage in Mark 6:45-52 also speaks volumes. The disciples were in the middle of doing the Lord's will, but it was HARD and scary. I also love how the Lord carried His disciples through the storm. It was as though they no longer had to experience it because Jesus was with them. All too often I run from Jesus instead of turning to Him in my hard. This is what I have to learn to do. Lord, Help me.

    1. Oh how I love BSF! Love that you're getting filled up that way each week. Thanks for reading and relating Jackie.

  4. Hey Katie! This post was exactly how I've felt over the last years. I don't have kids yet but i am highly extroverted and feel weird not having the close friendships I used to have. Most of my closest friends live in different states or 4hrs away. When we moved to London, I felt super isolated bc Brett worked all day and I had no job to go to and no friends to call bc we were 8hrs ahead from the US. I'd liked to say I read my bible daily or memorized scripture but most days I ran to the park, binge watched downtown abbey, or scrolled fb, Instagram, Pinterest like it was my job. I felt so useless and I learned I don't thrive without some structure. Thankfully we had friends who came to visit and finally found a church that welcomed me and helped me feel not so lonely. All that to say, you are not alone...and also, we're NEIGHBORS! So let's be friends!


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