Here we go -
We back out of the driveway and arrive at Publix precisely five minutes later. I only go to this one Publix store. Ever. This means we don't have to listen to more than one VeggieTales song and the children generally haven't started screaming by the time we pull in.
We park the car (same aisle every time) I unbuckle the Squirt, plop Blue Eyes in the Moby Wrap and grab Sweet B (my runner/least predictable child) last. We slowly make our way into the store and grab the only acceptable race car cart. Not the one with the loose steering wheel or the one with the broken buckle. Grab either of those carts and my children will COMPLETELY FREAK OUT.
Once seated, both Sweet B and Squirt steer their little hearts out while Blue Eyes and I navigate the unwieldily cart down each aisle. Did I mention all children went to the bathroom/were fed/got fresh diapers before we left? Critical component.
THAT'S IT! I barked through gritted teeth. NO COOKIE! NO ONE GETS A COOKIE! NEITHER OF YOU. NOW SIT DOWN AND DO! NOT! TOUCH! EACH OTHER!!
Yes my children would like a balloon! How thoughtful. What color balloon? The only color you don't have at your register of course. Yes the Squirt would like you to walk down to register 8 to grab a blue balloon, thank you. And sure you can push the cart out to my car! Obviously it's the mini-van. I'll just walk slightly ahead here while you dodge the blue balloon my son is beating against his sister's head. Hang on a sec here... need to grab the keys that my daughter just threw overboard! Yes you can load the car up for me. Don't mind the double stroller that takes up my entire trunk, thanks so much. I'll wrangle my kids into carseats in the meantime. Pay no attention to the screaming! -Big Smile- No tip? Are you sure? Well we'll see you next week!!
The drive home is mercifully short. Once there, we all collapse from exhaustion and gear ourselves up for a repeat performance in six short days. And that my friends, is how I get it done.