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Friday, January 10, 2014

Counter-cultural Wedding Advice

Y'all know I'm a fan of Glennon over at Momastery. She wrote the following about marriage/weddings for the blog the Happy Wives Club and I LOVE IT.

Happily Ever After IS NOT A THING. We are all trained by Disney to believe that the wedding is the finish line – but the wedding is JUST ANOTHER STARTING LINE. In light of this fact- we should quit the huge, fancy, debt-inducing weddings. When I asked my parents to help pay for my wedding, they said they’d give me a little bit and then if Craig and I made it to our ten-year anniversary, they’d give us some more to throw a big party. “THAT’s the time to celebrate,” they said. My parents were right.* Celebrate AFTER hard work, not before. Young people: marry simply, start your life, and party later. THINK OF HOW MUCH BABYSITTING FOR YOUR FUTURE COLICKY BABY YOU COULD BUY WITH THAT WEDDING BUDGET. THINK OF HOW MUCH MARRIAGE THERAPY YOU COULD BUY. Invest in your marriage, not your wedding. Spending all your money on a wedding and leaving nothing for marriage is as irresponsible as foregoing health insurance for your baby so that you can throw her a kick-ass birthday party. It’s as backwards as circling the stadium with your arms in the air –  waiting for applause before you start the race. Sweat a little, then celebrate. And don’t forget the good news/ bad news – there is no finish line. Marriage starts over again

I wish every high school girl, every college girl and every single, dating and engaged girl I know would read these words and take them to heart.  Marriage is WORK, not a fairy tale. It's a beautiful, miraclulous kind of work. The wedding is only your first day. And it's not really a real day either. It's the kind of day where you carefully pick out your outfit to make the perfect impression and you're shown around the office and everyone is really nice to you, but no one expects any actual work out of you. Stop pinning wedding dresses! (Unless you're actually planning a wedding that is. And even then, just go to a store and try dresses on. It's infinitely more fun I promise you.) Start becoming the woman you'd want to spend the rest of your life with if you were the man you're looking for.

And the whole $$ for the 10 year anniversary party instead of the wedding? Brilliant! :)


  1. Having been married for over 40 years I can say a hearty "amen". Some days are bliss and some days you have to work to see the bliss. Your expectations change as you grow older together. I certainly don't expect the same energy from my senior citizen husband now that I did when he was in his 20's and he is just as understanding with me.
    A friend of mine once told me that her parents set a sum aside for her (and her sister's also) wedding. They told her she could spend it however she wanted. She could go for an expensive day or use that money on a washing machine for their new home. Or invest it for later use. I thought that was interesting. They chose a simple wedding.
    Our own wedding was simple and I have never regretted not having it large and overwhelming. It was special because we made it special, not by things, but by the friends that were there to cheer us on in a Godly marriage, by their examples.

  2. How nice of you to share this wonderful post with us! Nobody talks like this anymore. Girls just care about their dresses and how they are going to look on their wedding day. It is true, that spend less on wedding and more on marriage. I booked one of the smallest but prettiest San Francisco wedding venues for my wedding and today I have a happy marriage and motherhood to take care of.


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